Integration

In meditation we’re taught to observe our thoughts come, and without clinging or fascination, go. Without struggle or resistance, we’re encouraged to observe yet remain detached. In this way our experience is invariably relaxed and peaceful, absent the activity of our everyday mind. There is Samsara, and Nirvana, one with, the other without the clamor and clang of mind clutter and noise.

What would the outcome be if we applied the practice of detached observation to our career, profession, relationships, or art? What would result if we permitted our interests, our responsibilities, even our meditation to evolve while viewing ourselves as other than the practice, the art, the profession? What if we engaged with our work, or any activity, while remaining cognizant that what we’re doing is not who we are, but rather something that manifests in our day-to-day life, like our thoughts?

Although most human-beings believe success, failure, mediocrity, excellence, boredom, frustration, issues of justice, race, gender, education, right and wrong, anger, etc define who and what we are, we are mistaken. These strange, fluctuating, belief-based qualities of feeling and thought, when denied sustained attention simply vanish. No longer being reference points of personal value and meaning they are replaced by something new, another thought, another possibility. Our thoughts are essentially, meaningless, and all too often the ground upon which we based our lives and who we think we are.

Becoming aware of the distinctions between what we do and think from what we are gently supports the environment needed for personal discovery and insight. Our activities, possessions and desires no longer burdened with providing personal value become truly meaningful in-so-far as they become opportunities through which to gain insight and experience of our true selves.

For most of us it is easy to understand the importance of removing cloudy thoughts of who we think we are or should become. Even the desire for enlightenment, for a long time, perhaps for a lifetime can be such a thought. Our difficulty is not understanding this, but in finding a way of allowing this understanding to become practical and actual, replacing conceptual thinking, belief and intention.

In the end even our noblest beliefs, as well as what we do will not matter if we’re unable to see them for what they truly are. At best, these serve as road-signs along a way, pointing to an ultimate destination. They are not the destination we instinctively seek, and know is real. This destination can only be reached by letting go of certainty and falling through the gap-filled, make-believe floor of belief we create to uphold delusions of truth in the form of so-called knowledge.

We are and will always be more than what we do, think, desire, have, achieve and certainly much more than our failures and disappointments. If we spend every minute of every day of our lives learning about ourselves we will never fully mine the depth of what we are. In this regard the only questions worth answering might be “Who am I”, and, “What does being alive mean?” These may be the only questions to which answers are deeply satisfying, providing life-affirming, loving reasons for all we do, and have ever hoped to accomplish.

Life plays tricks on us all. One day everything is going well, your job is safe, money is good, your friends and family are peaceful, the washer and dryer whirl along without a hitch. You’re confident, life is good, you know what you’re doing, and you feel generous, compassionate and understanding. You sleep well at night. One morning, things begin to change. You loose a job, worry about your rent, your partner grows cold, the car develops problems, the lawn mower is stolen, a new neighbor move in next door that won’t clean up after their dog. You begin to loose sleep, your sense of generosity, compassion and understanding shift. Life pours in, and there you are, in the swirl, scrambling to figure out what happened, and what to do next.

Everything changes. Life slips past. It is as if we’re on a moving train, sitting near a window – landscapes changing from field to mountain to sea side, city side, play ground, war ground, old age, death, a new field, more, and then, again, more. Now and then the train slows, appearing to stand still, just long enough for a glimpse of the world that we mistake for OUR life. The train moves on, the landscape changes, everything morphs, and the train keeps moving. We look back.

Throughout life we scramble, day to day, looking for secrets of success, laws of attraction, quantum resolutions to manifesting reality, mystical encounters, believing, thinking, if we learn enough, know enough, apply enough intellectual pressure (on ourselves and everyone on the way) , memorize a few more “secrets”, chant reliable soul-satisfying slogans, loose a little weight, and learn to Belly-dance, or some such thing, that everything will be fine, that we can bend the world into a form matching our specifications. Everything becomes a Popular-Madhouse-Rave, the new Lounge, the New Age, the house rocks, swaying side to side with wave after wave of what-to-try-next!

With any luck it slowly becomes clear; there are too many secrets to uncover and Belly-dancing for most of us, well, just isn’t flattering. We can’t keep up with all this stuff, it’s just too much! Many of us grow weary, cynical, tired, and claiming the smallest corner of life, hunker down for the long run, sort of angry, sort of trying to be hopeful, sort of giving up, but knowing we should not.

Then, sooner than we’d like, we face the moment, when the curtain is drawn on life. The lights dim. We stand, alone. After all the changing and uncertainties, this is certain. If we’re lucky, we won’t be frightened; it’ll be peaceful and easy. If we’re really lucky, it’ll be a moment of great enlightenment.

Our life’s final experience won’t have anything to do with where we lived, our profession, bank account, hobbies, how we suffered, who we loved, what we did or did not accomplish. Concepts of right and wrong will vanish. All arguments will end. There will be nothing to defend or prove. We’ll have in hand the one thing that mattered the whole time, the one thing upon which everything rested, the one from which everything sprang, the relationship we had with our self. The train will stop, we will disembark, self in hand, our only offering.
Although none of us know when, or what will happen when we arrive at the end, I have a sense that we’ll stand there with every recollection, a clear view of when, and where life sought to meet us, to hold and help us, to love and support us. I believe Life is compassionate, loving, knows no grudge, cynicism or judgment. We will find ourselves at our destination, no need for ideas, a change of clothing, extra shoes or traveler’s checks.

On close analysis it might become clear each of us faces the same challenge; of learning to live with an open, loving heart, of being forgiving, especially to ourselves. Life isn’t about achievement, and it isn’t about failure. It isn’t about possessions or about poverty; one is not more noble or worthy than the other. Life isn’t about right and wrong, but about being open to every change, every new vista, being alive wherever you find yourself, and entering as completely as possible into the partnership that comes with being born. It is a partnership, not a competition. We are fully supported, and loved.

I remember the first time my father told me he always looked for the path of least resistance. I was about 8 or 9. At the time I thought it was an insane thought that wouldn’t get him very far in life. Although it doesn’t matter what he accomplished, the path he referred to does. Perhaps he didn’t realize that nearly fifty years later I’d remember, and understand he was talking about a path you’re best suited for. It wasn’t about the easy way, but the natural way. Now I think he was right all along, even if he didn’t know exactly what he meant. Know yourself. Find your path.

Everything changes. Life plays tricks on us. If we consider, from time to time, that life has a mind of it’s own, that the tricks are designed to get our attention, to help us along the way, we may be able to enter more deeply into the relationship life has to offer. We may still loose our jobs, and the car will break down. However, it won’t matter as much, in fact it may not matter all, and we might find ourselves being much, much happier.

Our only task is to calm down and listen, trusting if we do, we will not be left alone. In this way we may accomplish the greatest thing possible; self awareness, the opening gate to enlightenment and understanding.